Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My Stalker is Afraid of Me

I’ve had my share of running encounters over the years.  I’ve had firecrackers thrown at me from some rebellious teens. 
 I’ve been hit in the back of the head by a bat.  Not the baseball kind, the gross kind.

I’ve had a dog scare the crap out of me, befriend me and then tag along with me all the way home.

I’ve even witnessed a gas station burglary.

Okay, so there wasn’t a gun, but he was wearing a ski mask – SCARY…just pretend you didn’t read that Mom!

Then there was that recent “Attack of the Gnats” episode.

Occasionally I’ll get a honk (because I would like to think I look good but) probably because the driver thinks I should get the blankety blank off the road.

But one thing that remains constant is my daily run-ins with my stalker, Crazy Legs. Technically, I guess I can’t really call him a stalker since I think he’s afraid of me, but if I had a stalker, I would picture him to look like Crazy Legs.

This man I call Crazy Legs runs through my neighborhood and I often see him if I’m out early enough. He’s an odd man with an unusual running style. I would say he’s somewhat of a cross between Gene Wilder from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Shaggy from Scooby Doo. It’s actually his hair that looks crazy, but his gangly appearance coupled with his very awkward run / speed-walk style gallop makes the name Crazy Legs even more fitting.

Whenever I see him approaching, he quickly dashes to the other side of the street to avoid me.  My guess is that he lacks social skills because I refuse to believe I look THAT scary when I’m all sweaty and very raw-looking.

This morning, I ran hill repeats. To properly run these, you start by finding a GIGANTIC hill. Then, when you reach the top, you run back down and repeat this series six times. You finish it all off with a 30-minute cool down. Let’s just say I’d rather eat sardines over a plate of chopped liver, but it makes me a stronger runner and that’s why I do it.

So I geared myself up by setting my iPod to some blood-pumping music like Bring To Life by Effervescence Evanescence and then I sprinted up the last 50 meters of the hill. 

When I made my way down, there he was! Crazy Legs was approaching me in the distance.

I reached the bottom of the hill and before we could sharply collide, I turned around for my next ascent. Oh GREAT!  Now Crazy Legs thinks I’m running away from him!  I continued upward, reached the top of what seemed like Mt. Effervescence Everest, I GASPED, HUFFFED and PUFFED and made my way back down again.
And that’s when I realized my so-called stalker is afraid of me. Instead of chasing me down, like any crazy stalker would, Crazy Legs was running the opposite direction, away from me.

I was all ready to use my best Karate Kid moves on him too! 

But Crazy Legs was gone before I had a chance to say “Wax On, Wax Off”.

Alas, perhaps one day I’ll meet my so-called stalker. Who knows, he might just be a brilliant man with a charming and *effervescent personality. But until then, I think should change his name to ______. What do you think?

p.s. I’m a runner, not an illustrator…don’t hate.

p.p.s.  I put my game face on this week for the Dons over at Word Up Yo

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Kudos to Liz, Natalie and KLZ for making us step up our WOW game.


Sherri said...

Very impressive use of the WOW! Here I started reading the post all worried about YOU, now I'm feeling sorry for the socially challenged crazy legs stalker!! Very funny...although those gnats weren't funny.

Booyah's Momma said...

I disagree with you... you are a gifted artist, and your stick figures completely made this post!

Although, I feel wiped out just reading about your hill repeats. I don't even like to drive up hills, much less run them.

Amy J said...

hahaha! This was great. The illustrations made it so much more awesome. I mean it. Also I have a little award for you over at my blog.

jillconyers said...

I feel the same way about hill repeats! A necessary evil. Did all of that really happen LOL My runs are very uneventful as far as outlandish incidents go.

You have a great way with words.

While I'm here. Do you have any protein shake recipes you'd like to share. My son and I desperately need a little more variety in our shakes. Thanks :)

Lula Lola said...

I love your illustrations! I think you should illustrate every post! Fun! I wondered where you'd found them. Impressive!

I love that you've scared a socially awkward runner. That's classic!

Liz said...

I'm lying in bed, laughing so hard that I just woke my sleeping husband. The stick people make it! How did you create them?!?!

Craig was freaked out by a dog just today, but he often sees deer and spooks horses when he goes out.

ABW said...

That's hilarious!!!

I first imagined Crazy Legs running like Phoebe on Friends!

Betsy said...

Love the stick figures. LOVE THEM!

Sandy said...

I love your stick people!!! You must do more! I also read the "poop your pants" story. I have always wondered about that aspect of running and now I know!
Wish I had the endurance (and the shape) to be a runner! You go girlfriend!!
xoxo Sandy
Toby and Max Jewelry--words of encouragement & inspiration and just plain old friendship!

My Change Through Running said...

ha! Thats awesome! Love the pictures!

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