In Retrospect

There is nothing more powerful for me than accomplishing a goal.  Something about putting my desires to paper spurs this charge to action for me.  It's about shifting the power of my subconscious thoughts into my conscious mind.

With this tool, I was able to run the race of my life in December, I'm moving towards my goal of celebrating my 10-year anniversary in Hawaii and best of all, I'm getting closer each day to fulfilling my ultimate goal of staying home full-time to be that mom I've always be to be for my son.

My brother is a huge source of motivation and support for me.  We live thousands miles apart, but we talk daily and bounce ideas off of one another mostly through emails throughout the day.  His incredible fitness transformation was the catalyst for getting me started on my own fitness journey this past year.

I love digging up old emails to get a retrospective snapshot of my life.  I want to know that I'm always making strides and progress in the right direction.  I didn't realize my brother had been saving a lot of my thoughts to share with me.

Today he dug up this email I wrote the day I started my blog.  I remember him asking me to write down my goals.  This was not even one year ago, yet this concept seemed so foreign to me.  But I trusted him and I did it.  He convinced me start doing Insanity to begin working towards my new life.  I knew going through the physical process would lead me to the path that I am ultimately meant to travel.

How validating to read this less than one year later and realize that I'm truly fulfilling my life's purpose.  Write those goals down and make a plan to make it happen.  It works!

Chubby Girl

They say we are all products of our childhood. I’m not really sure who ‘they’ refers to, but if there is truth to this, my childhood has a very direct correlation to the woman I am today.

I was a very chubby young girl. It wasn’t so much that I was labeled, but more the fact that I labeled myself. I lacked confidence because of it, I was shy, easily intimidated and naive. Ironically, my weight was something we RARELY talked about. I was ashamed by it and could tell my parents tried to do things to get me to be more active, but I fought it because I was embarrassed by it.  I was always too afraid to talk about it or admit it.  So I just pretended it didn't exist. 

Here's me playing basketball in sixth grade.  Notice how much bigger I am the other girls.

I always had a clean plate after a meal.

Some boys teased me and would often remind me when I looked like I had gained weight. Those boys were 'friends' of my brother. Even though he has no recollection of these events, I will never forget how he used to stick up for me when the words pierced my heart. It’s probably one of the very reasons we always have had such a close bond and relationship. He always stuck up for me. I hated being the chubby girl. I HATED IT and he knew it.

In high school, I finally decided to do something about it. At that time, 'doing something about it' didn’t necessarily mean doing something healthy about it. I deeply restricted my calories, lost the weight and then let it become my obsession to lose even more. What I didn’t realize was that I just transferred my emotional over-eating to emotional under-eating. I wasn’t any happier because I was skinny. I was hungry but no food could ever satiate that desire. I was starving to find me, my purpose in my life.

Weight is something I have struggled with my whole life. It has consumed my mind, caused me frustration and regret. Food was my enemy and my best friend. I hated what it did to me, but I wanted it so badly. 

I know now that it wasn't food that was making me hungry!  I wasn't happy with the way I looked, so instead of doing things to make me healthy, I told myself how horrible I looked and picked at every flaw I had.  I failed to see the beauty in myself so I fed it with food instead of feeding it with love and nourishment for my soul.

Today, food is no longer my friend or enemy. Food is my fuel!  I made a choice to be in control of my body.  I started to run and I couldn’t run without that fuel. Running was so hard initially, but I loved how it made me feel when I finished.  That made me want to run even more.  I loved feeling healthy and I started to love what it was doing to my body.  So I ran a 5K, then an 8-mile race, than a half marathon. Now here I am today, getting ready to run my fourth marathon, and I can proudly say, I love the woman I’ve become.

I am so glad that I was the chubby girl. I needed her to help guide me to serve my higher purpose today. I have such a deep passion for helping people who struggle with weight, because I know what they are feeling and what they are yearning to be.

We can learn from our past, but we do not have to be a product of it.  When we learn, we make a choice for a better life.  We cannot change our mistakes, but we can use them as a tool for our future.  If you're struggling with something and want to make a change, make the choice to make today the first day of the rest of your healthy life.

This post is inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.

In what way were you labeled as a child and how did it affect you?

Who Knew?

I'm faced with a decision tonight that is difficult.   My life has changed so much in the past four months since I began my Insanity journey.  Who knew a different type of workout would so dramatically change my life?

I have always known that my main purpose in life is be a motivator to others.  Whatever platform I'm given or presented with in life, I know it will be the avenue that leads me to be a positive role model to inspire others to start their own journey to a healthier lifestyle.

Running is and always has been my love.  The weather is finally starting to cool down a bit and Saturday morning's training run was nothing shy of a spiritual renewal for me.  It's the most gratifying and pleasurable time I have with nature.  It gives me peace, brings some clarity to my thoughts and solidifies my passion for being healthy.

Four months ago, I was introduced to Insanity for some reason.  I was skeptical and resistant, but curious.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and gave it a try.  That comfort zone allowed myself to drink 600 calories worth of 'crap' in my coffee every morning and gave me permission to be average.

Now, I'm on my second round of Insanity, I have control of my diet, I've lost 10 pounds, I've dropped a size in my pants, I've taken two inches off my waist and I've become a faster runner.  Who knew what a home workout DVD would do to change my life?

On a whim, I pitched my idea to our local Fox station to do a consumer report about Insanity.  Who knew they would take me up on the idea? Now that television segment about Insanity is posted everywhere online, including the blog of Beachbody CEO, Carl Daikeler.  Who knew?

Tonight I'm faced with a decision.  I just found out Tony Horton of P90X / Beachbody fame will be in Dallas for a day long seminar on September 18th.  That is the same day a 20K race that I love to run in Dallas.  Sometimes the hardest decisions are what lead us to our true purpose in life.  I want to run that race, but my heart is telling me to attend the seminar.

What do you do when faced with a difficult decision? Do you go with your heart?  Do you take a leap of faith?  Do you play it safe?  I think I know what I need to do.  I don't even think I need to sleep on this one.