My Confession

A confession.  I don't always practice what I preach. 

I admit it.  Sometimes it's really hard for me to have the positive self image I teach you to embody.  It's something I have battled since I've been a chubby little girl.  And for the past couple  of weeks, I have been struggling. 

I try not to get caught up in the numbers game and I rarely stray from my workouts.  Self discipline has never been my issue.  Self image on the other hand is often a difficult pill for me to swallow. 

I admit that I stare relentlessly at times at myself in the mirror before I enter the shower, sucking in that, tucking under this.  It's a practice I'm not proud of, but I would not be honest if I said I never struggled.  I do.  Often.

And right now, I'm in one of those 'struggles'.  With the recent ice storm that hit our area and not being able to run for over a week, I feel at times like I am living outside of the body I know and have slowly learned to grow and love.  A different Rhonda has been invading my space lately and I don't like her.at.all.

I have been thankfully able to do my Insanity workouts at home, but this round is much different than when I first did it last summer.  Then, I took weekly updated pictures and I was so proud of my progress.  This time I'm not seeing or feeling those changes.   Perhaps it's because I'm not working hard enough or not as inspired or maybe I've just plateaued.  Whatever the reason, I'm ready for a change.  I will always love this workout, but it's time to put it on the shelf and try something new for a while.

I won't quit.  I'm not a quitter.  I'll finish the next 18 days and then I'll completely start something new, something fresh.  Something different to shock by body back to where I'll be excited take those weekly pictures again.  Perhaps I just might take that P90X plunge afterall and make it a perfect complement to my running.

So that's how I get through these slumps.  I make a plan, I allow myself a little self-pity (it feels good) and then I'll get back to where I need to be.  A slump is NEVER a time to give up on yourself and that is hardly in my plan.  I just need a little mental restructuring.  The physical will come.

Until then, here's my favorite shot taken last summer when my little Jackson kept sneaking in the pictures without my knowledge.  It makes me laugh and gives me inspiration to move forward and progress.  I want to look this again.  He's my inspiration and this is my accountability.